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I like Mike, he's an OK guy, but right now it's taking all my concentration not to hit him. Every time I think of how nice it would be to be out in school, to not have to watch every single thing I say in case I give myself away, to be able to look at and like exactly who I want to, something like this happens. It makes me realise, for the second time this week, that being out in school would probably result in being beaten every day for the next year."You agree don't you?" Mike is looking at me expectantly, but I can't bring myself to say it, not again, not this time. I cannot bring myself to debase what I am. I get up, too fast and not looking at Mike, abandon my book and grab my stuff, heading for the door. I can feel him watching my back as I go.I'm late for French, and being stared at doesn't do much for my concentration on a subject I find difficult at the best of times. I fail miserably to explain to the teacher, in French, why I'm late, and as I try and make my way to my seat. .."All the old conversational spins and turns don't work when the actors have these new faces, these exchanged roles. Even swapping the scripts can't help: both know who originated the lines. The conversation stalls, limps along with wider pauses, then stalls again and is not restarted.The stillness is made denser, more potent, as it is compressed by the normal sounds that surround it. You take it in with every breath, until it silences every thought but one: this was a mistake.The casual talk before the silence still reverberates in your mind, and you pick at it, searching for meaning. The words were the same calm lovers' conversation, but the undertone was getting subtly bitter and strident. She was responding to your manhood as a challenge to her own, because you are too artlessly asserting it; like armor where there should be no battle, but one arises because the armor provokes it."Oh." You suddenly realize: this will not last. Startled, you glance over at her and see it in her.
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